Monday, February 20, 2012

Death and Denial

Assalaam Alakium ladies!

Here we are again, another Monday. Monday always feels like a fresh new start for me, even though I hate getting out of bed so early. I couldn't sleep last night. I was up thinking about death, life and how I still have so much to learn and accomplish.

Death scares me sometimes, I know I'm not ready and I hate to think that someone I love dearly could pass away any minute. I know we all have our day, it's just sad to think about. Alhamdulliah I haven't had to deal with death too much. The only close relative that has passed, has been my grandfather. I remember that day vividly. It was so sudden. 

At the time I wasn't Muslim, I was 18 years old and had just started college. I was researching Islam and was planning on converting soon. The last time I seen my grandfather he was watching his favorite television show, The Price is Right. That show always reminds me of him. =) 

I remember getting a frantic phone call from my mother saying that my grandfather had a heart attack and that she was coming to get me and bring me to the hospital. When we arrived, we couldn't see him and no one was telling us anything. It never crossed my mind that he was going to pass on that day. I was in BIG denial. All of a sudden the doctors wanted to take us to a room. All seven of us gathered in the small quiet room. The doctor told us he was gone. A flood of tears came cascading down my face, I couldn't help it. We went to go say our last goodbyes and I still could not believe he was gone. It was so hard for me to grasp that he was no longer with us.

My mind immediately went to the grave. I had learned about the questioning after death and the life in the grave. I was scared for my grandfather. I wanted him to know the answers to the three most important questions: Who is your Lord? Who is your Prophet? What religion are you? I spent the entire night thinking about it. 

When we buried him, I didn't want to leave the grave because I knew the questioning would start. I wanted to stay for as long as possible even though I knew eventually the questioning would have to take place. I prayed that he would be okay. 

To this day I still wonder about him and from time to time will find myself crying out of no where. I didn't have a father growing up, so he was my only "father" figure. He was the nicest person around and I'm sad he never got to meet my husband, I know they would have hit it off. =) 

Death isn't an easy thing to come to terms with but we all are going to face it. We can't prevent death and no one is immune. Prepare for death every. single. day. you are alive and remind yourself of the grave frequently. Don't pretend that death will never come and know the answers to the three most important questions of your life:

Who is your Lord? -Allah, the One and Only God
Who is your Prophet? -The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him
What is your religion? -Islam

Please feel free to share your thoughts down below in the comments. 


~Hijabi Butterfly~

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